Introverts, Extroverts, and the Confidence Myth
Why both are misunderstood and what I’ve learned from the stage
For years, I believed something that simply isn’t true.
I thought leaders were the loud ones.
The big personalities.
The fast talkers.
The people who could walk into a room and “own it.”
Which is hilarious, really.
Because if you’d met me in my early twenties, you probably would have thought,
“Yep. That tracks. Monique’s definitely the extrovert.”
And yes, I was loud.
Yes, I was expressive.
Yes, I could talk to anyone.
But confidence?
That’s a different story.
Inside, I was second-guessing myself constantly.
So somewhere along the way, we’ve confused volume with confidence.
And we’ve done the same thing with introverts and extroverts.
The myth we’ve been sold
There’s this quiet cultural story running in the background that says:
Extroverts = confident
Introverts = shy
Extroverts = leaders
Introverts = followers
Extroverts = good speakers
Introverts = “not stage people”
And honestly?
After working with thousands of humans across stages, boardrooms, workshops, and coaching rooms…
I can tell you with absolute certainty:
None of that is true.
I’ve seen introverts hold a room of 500 people in complete silence with one sentence.
And I’ve seen extroverts talk for ten minutes straight and say absolutely nothing.
Personality doesn’t determine impact.
Skill does.
Presence does.
Preparation does.
Let’s clear something up first
Introversion and extroversion aren’t about confidence.
They’re about energy.
That’s it.
Extroverts tend to recharge around people.
Conversation energises them.
Collaboration fills their cup.
Introverts recharge alone.
Quiet restores them.
Space helps them think.
Time with their own mind refuels their system.
It’s not about being social or antisocial.
It’s not about being brave or timid.
It’s simply about where your nervous system settles and resets.
Which means you can absolutely be:
An introvert who loves the stage
An extrovert who hates public speaking
A quiet leader with huge presence
Or a social butterfly who still feels nervous presenting
I see all of these combinations every single week.
Because confidence isn’t determined by how you recharge.
It’s determined by how capable you feel.
What I see in my work every day
This is something people are always surprised by.
Some of the most powerful speakers I coach are introverts.
They’re thoughtful.
They listen deeply.
They choose their words carefully.
They don’t waste energy trying to impress anyone.
When they speak, people lean in.
Because everything they say matters.
And some of the extroverts I work with?
They struggle.
Not because they lack personality.
But because they rely on personality instead of structure.
They think “being good with people” will carry them.
And when it doesn’t, their confidence drops fast.
Both groups struggle for different reasons.
Both groups thrive for the same reason.
Confidence is built, not born
This is something I say in almost every workshop:
Confidence is built through competence.
Competence is built through repetition.
Confidence isn’t a personality trait.
It’s evidence.
It’s your brain saying,
“I’ve done this before. I know how to handle this.”
So when someone tells me,
“I’m just not a confident speaker, I’m more introverted…”
I gently challenge that.
Because what they usually mean is:
“I haven’t practiced this enough yet.”
Big difference.
The stage has taught me this over and over
I’ve spent my life around speakers.
Professional speakers.
Leaders.
Business owners.
Students.
People who swear they’re “not natural.”
And here’s the pattern I keep seeing.
The people who look confident aren’t fearless.
They’re prepared.
They know their story.
They know their structure.
They know their message.
They know how to use their voice and their body.
So their brain relaxes.
Because it feels safe.
And safety creates confidence.
Not personality.
Not charisma.
Not being the loudest person in the room.
Leadership is exactly the same
This isn’t just about speaking.
It’s about leadership too.
Some of the best leaders I’ve ever worked with are quiet.
They don’t dominate the room.
They don’t talk over people.
They don’t perform leadership.
They listen.
They observe.
They respond intentionally.
They make people feel seen.
And that builds trust faster than any motivational speech ever could.
Then I’ve seen loud leaders who mistake noise for influence.
Who think talking more equals leading more.
And their teams quietly switch off.
Because leadership isn’t about airtime.
It’s about connection.
So what actually builds confidence?
Not your personality.
Not whether you’re introverted or extroverted.
It’s three things I teach every day:
Self belief
Verbal skills
Non verbal skills
How you talk to yourself.
What you say.
How you say it.
How you stand.
How you breathe.
How you hold space.
These are learnable.
Trainable.
Repeatable.
Which means confidence is available to everyone.
Not just the “naturals.”
Here’s what I want you to know
If you’re an introvert and you’ve been telling yourself,
“I’m just not cut out for speaking or leadership…”
That’s not true.
You probably already have the depth and presence most speakers are trying to learn.
And if you’re an extrovert who feels frustrated because you still get nervous sometimes…
That’s normal too.
Energy isn’t the same as clarity.
You still need structure and skill.
This isn’t about changing who you are.
It’s about developing the tools to express who you already are.
Final thought
Some of the most powerful voices in the world are quiet ones.
Some of the most magnetic leaders barely raise their voice.
Confidence isn’t loud.
It’s grounded.
It’s intentional.
It’s practiced.
So whether you recharge alone or in a crowd, you belong in the room.
And if you’ve got something to say?
The world needs to hear it.
And if this resonates and you realise you have a burning story inside you that needs to be told, reach out.
In your corner,
Monique
