Leadership Starts in the Mirror
When we think of leadership, we often picture someone in command—someone with presence, poise, and the power to influence. But real leadership doesn’t begin when others are watching. It begins when no one is. In the quiet. In reflection. In the inner conversations we carry every day.
It begins in the mirror.
Before I ever called myself a keynote speaker, I had spent years training to perform. My speaking journey began at age 8. By 10, I was winning competitions. I trained through Trinity College and NZ Speech Board. I studied theatre, film, television. I knew how to “speak.”
But here’s the truth: knowing how to speak and knowing who you are when you speak are two very different things.
For a long time, I was a confident performer… with no real confidence in being myself. I could communicate for others—sell, teach, uplift. But when it came to my own message, my own voice? That took a different kind of courage. The kind of courage that doesn’t come from external validation, but from internal alignment.
I had to face the stories I had inherited—and the ones I’d constructed about who I was allowed to be.
“Too much.”
“Not enough.”
“Too late.”
“Too loud.”
“Too ambitious.”
“Too emotional.”
…Sound familiar?
It wasn’t until I started examining the stories that shaped me—my whakapapa, my identity, my beliefs—that I could begin to lead with clarity, authenticity, and impact.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Leadership is storytelling.
Not just the stories we tell from the stage or in the boardroom. But the ones we tell ourselves.
And if those internal narratives are rooted in fear, doubt, or survival… they will unconsciously direct how we lead.
Think about it:
The leader who micromanages may be telling themselves: “If I’m not in control, it will all fall apart.”
The leader who avoids confrontation might be running an internal loop: “If I speak up, I’ll be rejected.”
The leader who overworks could be trying to outrun the story: “My worth is tied to my output.”
So the real leadership work? It’s inner work.
It’s asking:
What is the story I’m living by?
Where did that story come from?
Is it true—and is it helpful?
What new story could I write, that’s rooted in empowerment, not fear?
Because when you shift the internal narrative, everything else follows:
Your tone. Your presence. Your boundaries. Your ability to inspire, influence, and innovate.
Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about having the clearest voice in your own head.
So if you’re feeling stuck or misaligned, don’t rush to change your role, your strategy, or your team.
Start with the mirror.
Leadership starts with the stories you believe about yourself.
And the most powerful thing you can do is rewrite them.
Because when your internal story changes, your external impact transforms.
