Perspective isn't FACT. And here's WHY we need to have this conversation
Perspective isn't FACT. And here's WHY we need to have this conversation.
I’ve been thinking a lot about perspective lately.
Partly because of the work I do with emerging speakers and leaders.
I often joke that I’m not just a speaker or a coach… I’m a communicationalist. Which really just means people sit down with me, talk through a whole lot of thoughts, ideas, frustrations, and stories… and my job is to listen, hear what’s underneath it all, and help them shape it into something that actually makes sense.
Something clear. Something coherent. Something they can say out loud and feel good about.
And what I’ve been noticing more and more recently is just how much noise there is.
Not bad noise… just a lot of people thinking out loud. Processing out loud. Speaking in these long, slightly tangled streams of consciousness that are often driven by frustration or certainty or a strong sense that things aren’t being done “the right way.”
And I get it.
The world feels a little heightened right now. People care. People are passionate. People have opinions. But underneath all of that… there’s something I think we forget.
Perspective is not fact.
It’s just a way of seeing the world.
It’s shaped by where you’ve been, what you’ve experienced, what you believe, what you’ve learned along the way. And because of that, your perspective is completely valid… for you.
But so is someone else’s. To them.
And this is where I see things start to wobble.
Because what often happens is someone shares their perspective… and without even realising it, it comes out as truth. As certainty. As “this is how it is.”
On the other side of that conversation, someone else is possibly sitting there thinking… that’s not how I see it at all.
And suddenly we’re not communicating anymore. We’re defending.
I heard a speaker say something years ago that’s always stuck with me: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”
And I remember thinking… that’s a bit confronting.
Because if I’m honest, there are definitely moments where I want to be right.
However....... what I’ve learned, especially in the work I do, is that when someone is holding really tightly to their perspective, it’s usually because it matters to them. There’s something underneath it. Something they care about. Something they’re trying to protect or express or make sense of.
And if you meet that with resistance… things escalate.
But if you meet it with curiosity… everything shifts.
I had a conversation recently where someone was really frustrated. Very certain. Very clear about how something should be.
And instead of pushing back, I said, “Thank you for sharing that. I don’t fully understand everything you’re saying yet… can you give me a bit more context?”
And you could almost feel the change.
They slowed down. They thought about what they were saying. They started explaining rather than asserting.
And in doing that… they actually heard themselves.
They realised what they were sharing wasn’t a universal truth. It was their perspective.
And the whole conversation softened - not because I proved them wrong - but because I gave them space to explore what they were saying.
And that’s the bit I think we underestimate.
We think we need better answers.… actually, we just need better questions. Because the moment you move from “That’s not right…” to “Help me understand…” you change the energy completely.
From there, you get to choose how you respond. You can acknowledge it. “I hear you. I can see why you’d feel that way.” And then, if it feels appropriate, you can offer your perspective.
And if they’re open to that? Great. That’s where real communication happens.
And if they’re not? That tells you something too.
In fact, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do isn’t to stay in the conversation and try to win it. Sometimes it’s to step away. Go and make a cup of tea. And choose peace over proving a point. Because at the end of the day, perspective isn’t fact. It’s just a lens. And the more we understand that… the easier it becomes to navigate conversations, to connect with people, and to let things go when they’re not ours to carry.
So next time you find yourself in one of those conversations… you’ll know the ones…
Pause.
Take a breath.
And ask yourself:
Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy?
Because more often than not… the shift starts with a question.
In your corner,
Monique
