Why Freezing When You Speak Isn’t a Confidence Problem

Freezing when you speak is one of the most common experiences I see.

And yet, it’s one of the most misunderstood.

People describe it as their mind going blank.
Their voice tightening.
Their body feeling disconnected or suddenly heavy.

The story they tell themselves afterward is usually harsh.

“I’m not confident enough.”
“I’m not cut out for this.”
“I just panic when I speak.”

But freezing is rarely a confidence problem.

It’s a safety response.

What’s actually happening when you freeze

When we speak, we’re not just sharing information.
We’re exposing meaning.

We’re revealing how we see the world, what we value, what shaped us. On a nervous-system level, that’s vulnerability. Even when the room is friendly. Even when the stakes feel small.

If your body doesn’t feel safe yet, it will try to protect you.

That protection can look like:

• Going blank

• Losing your words

• Forgetting what you practised

• Feeling suddenly “not yourself”

None of this means you’re incapable.

It means your story hasn’t been fully integrated yet.

Confidence doesn’t come from pushing harder

One of the most common mistakes people make is trying to override the freeze.

They practise more lines.
They rehearse harder.
They tell themselves to just “be confident”.

But confidence doesn’t come from force.
It comes from familiarity and grounding.

When your story feels unfamiliar, fragmented, or emotionally charged in ways you haven’t explored yet, your body stays alert. It doesn’t trust that you know where you’re going.

So it pauses you.

Not to sabotage you.
To protect you.

The role of story in confidence

This is where story becomes essential.

Not storytelling as performance.
Story as orientation.

When you understand:

• Where your story starts

• What matters inside it

• Why you’re telling it

• What the listener needs from it
  
  

Something shifts.

Your body relaxes because there’s structure.
Your voice steadies because there’s meaning.
Your presence deepens because you know where you’re standing.

Confidence grows not because fear disappears, but because you feel safe enough to stay present.

Why capable people freeze more often

Interestingly, the people who freeze most are often the ones who care deeply.

They’re thoughtful.
They’re conscientious.
They don’t want to waste people’s time or say the wrong thing.

That care creates pressure.

Without a clear story structure to hold that pressure, the nervous system takes over.

This is why freezing is so common among emerging speakers, leaders stepping into visibility, and people transitioning into new levels of responsibility.

It’s not a flaw.
It’s a sign you’re stretching.

What actually helps

In my work, confidence grows when people stop asking, “How do I stop freezing?” and start asking, “What does my body need to feel safe here?”

That often means:

• Slowing everything down

• Anchoring into one clear story or moment, not your entire life experience

• Speaking to be understood, not impressive

• Allowing pauses instead of rushing through them
  
  

As your relationship with your story deepens, the freeze softens.

Not instantly.
But steadily.

A quieter reframe

If freezing has ever happened to you, nothing has gone wrong.

Your body is communicating.

It’s asking for clarity, structure, and integration.

Confidence isn’t something you add on top of yourself.
It’s something that emerges when you feel safe enough to be seen.

And that begins with understanding your story, not fighting it.

If you’re navigating this too, you’re not alone in it.

And there is a way through.

If you need help and support, reach out. I’d love to see you share your amazing story.

In your corner,

Monique